The quest for a better workspace

     Anyone who works from home may relate to this story.  I began working from home last year, and I wasn't really prepared to do so from a workspace perspective.  I started with a writing desk that my wife had rescued some time ago and slowly added surfaces to handle the monitors and personal laptop that I really did need.  The problem with this setup was that the writing desk was never meant to handle computers, especially more than one laptop, so it was very cramped and I couldn't use the CD/DVD drive without moving the laptop towards the front.  Below is a picture of the setup after I moved into a spare bedroom (not the original setup in the master bedroom, which was even more cramped than what this picture displays.

     Moving into the spare bedroom did afford me more surface area, but didn't relieve the basic problem of a surface that I could actually lay out documents or do any other work on, and I still couldn't open the drive bays on the work or the personal laptop.  Perhaps this may need a bit of explanation;  although many people get by with setups like the one I show above, I am very comfortable with a normal office environment, work in the Information Technology field, and for the last 15 years have had at least two monitors for every computer on my desk.  Needless to say, I almost feel physical pain when I don't have that second monitor, thus you see two laptops and two monitors on the setup above.  The size of the second monitor doesn't bug me too much (those are 9 year old Dell 17" ones in the picture) and actually find the larger monitors more of a problem than a benefit.

     Well, it happened one day that I was browsing online and got the thought to look at prices for desk mounted monitor stands.  Don't ask why, because I couldn't tell you what exactly I was thinking at the time since a desk mounted stand wouldn't possibly work with the setup I had, but sometimes I just get a thought into my head and I have to go with it.  As it happens, I found a very reasonably priced hex monitor stand (under $100 is reasonable given it could handle six 24" monitors at once).  True to my nature, I whipped out the card and two minutes later, the stand was bought.  Great, now what?  As I stated before, the desk setup I had wasn't built to secure a desk mounted stand off the back.  It didn't take me very long to come up with the beginnings of an idea though.  The two cabinet units on either side of the writing desk were of the same manufacturer, solidly built, and had the capability to put a surface on top to accommodate the monitor stand.  Next out of the drawer came the tape measure and I found that if I didn't want to sacrifice any leg room between them, the surface would have to be over 7 and a half feet wide.  Try to find a desk that large, I dare you.

     People that don't know me should be informed that once an idea gets into my head, I bull forward solving the problems until I have a complete solution.  Everything else gets set aside, and even if I'm doing something else, my own family catches me with a particular facial expression; head cocked to one side, staring at the ceiling muttering to myself.  Fortunately, I've been around long enough that I've picked up some experience here and there, but it is still a process.  I think I spent the next day going to the salvage yards and consignment markets looking for a suitable surface.  I did find a conference table without legs that may have done the job, but it was too heavy for me to move by myself, was far deeper than I wanted, was oval, and was priced far too high for my thinking.  Craigslist didn't yield any better results, and a quick search online didn't leave me with much hope that I'd find a desk or any reasonable facsimile thereof that fit what was in my mind.

     From the start of the search, I had it in my mind that this may be the case, and I moved to plan B; yup, you guessed it, I'm a guy, that means the local hardware store.  What I wanted was a surface somewhere in the dimensions of 8'x3' that could support the monitor stand off the back edge, which meant at least 3/4" plywood.  Keep in mind, I hadn't stepped foot into the hardware store yet, all of the above was done within the confines of my own skull so far, and I wasn't done, but I wanted to see if they had a piece of wood that may fit.  For anyone familiar with plywood, this could be a tall order, it couldn't be construction grade, it had to be finished and hardwood, meant to be exposed, not rough framing lumber.  As it happens, the local Home Depot had a very nice piece of birchwood with a surface so smooth I couldn't find an imperfection.  What's more, I liked how it looked (I love woodgrain).

     Did I mention that I fancy myself somewhat of an engineer?  Well, I am analytical and have a passing knowledge about weight tolerances, which means I usually OVER-engineer any build (ask my wife about the porch I built for the doublewide when we first got married with the 3/4" carriage bolts through 8"x8" posts).  I wasn't sure 3/4" plywood would be enough, so decided to double the thickness of the desk, which meant two sheets of 4"x8" glued together.  Now I had an idea of the desktop, but I wasn't done yet.  Two pieces in those dimensions meant that I'd be cutting the plywood lengthwise and have a 1'x8' strip left over from each piece.  I'd already be buying the whole sheet, so what was I going to do with the extra wood?  This epiphany wasn't a stretch, I could built shelves on either side of the desk.  After about an hour wandering around the store, I had a very good idea of what I was going to be building, with what materials, and a few extra enhancements to boot.  I walked out empty handed.

     "Wait, empty handed?" you say?  Yup, not only do I have to approve the budget with the wife, but I wanted to be absolutely sure of the design I had in mind, which meant modeling it on a CAD program.  I went home and found a free program that I'd used in the past, but found it didn't have a feature to draw exact measurements (or at least adjust the objects after I had approximated them with the mouse).  The second free program I tried did have what I wanted, and I proceeded to look up the specs on the monitor stand and draw my concept.  Below is the final result.

     This took me about two days to get it to a level of sophistication I was happy with.  I didn't bother drawing the bottom tier of the monitor stand to show the laptop trays I had ordered as they weren't critical for the measurements I was after.  All I wanted out of this drawing was the confirmation that I had enough room between the shelves I had thought of for the monitor stand and mounted equipment.  It looked good, and that Saturday, I pulled the trigger on the purchase.

     As soon as I could, I setup a mock build to ensure I had the store employee cut the wood the right way (the guy that cut the dowels didn't impress me with his measuring skills).

     I didn't waste any time getting to work, I had checked the weather and knew I had about a week before any rain was due, and I had to space the project out to let glue dry as well as allow for the stain/polyurethane finish to set.  I started in on the most detailed piece, the top surface of the desktop, where I had to drill 16 holes for the shelf supports and cut an opening for the sunken power receptacle I was going to put in-between the sheets.  I've spent enough time under desks to know that if I brought power to the surface, and then put the strips on the desktop, life is SO much easier.  Besides, I knew I had plenty of room to play with, so the 6"x6" hole wasn't too large of a sacrifice of desktop space.  Yes, now I had an electrical wiring job as well as a carpentry project on my hands.

     It took an evening and part of the next day to get the holes in the two sheets because I ran out of power on the cordless drill and had to charge the battery, then I took a step back and looked at that sunken receptacle again.  It was meant to go into a wall and had a 1/4" lip on it.  My worry was it would create too much of a gap in-between the plywood and cause the two sheets to not bond properly.  So I dug the Dremel out of the shed and routed the surface of the bottom sheet to sink it enough to allow the two sheets to be perfectly flush.  I managed to save one of the cutouts for a lid to hide the hole on the top surface as well and spent some time with the Dremel getting that piece and the edges of the top hole as smooth as I could so the cords wouldn't catch or fray on sharp edges.

     The next day I glued the two sheets together and added the decorative edge that I picked out (thanks to my Dad for the mitre box!).

     The picture directly above showed my learning curve on drilling holes through hardwood.  A word to the wise, don't drill through all the way from one side to the other, the final surface will chip as shown above.  Instead, drill until the spade bit tip breaks through, then turn the piece over and drill from the other side to finish the hole.  There may still be some chipping, but not nearly as bad as that first hole looks like.  The idea on these holes is the shelf supports, which are 1" diameter dowel cut 12" long and held in place through only one of the two 3/4" plywood sheets.  If necessary, a little glue would make them virtually one piece of wood, but I didn't think that was going to be necessary and I wanted the option to disassemble the desk if I ever had to move it.

     A couple of days into the next work week, the monitor stand arrived, and I was surprised to actually see the size of the thing.  The specs online weren't all inclusive, and I had guessed on certain dimensions.  As it turned out, I had fallen short on a couple of them, so back to the CAD program I went to make sure it was still going to work.  About an hour later, I breathed a sigh of relief, it was still good.  I would have to articulate the arms a bit more, but now I had the right measurements and the monitor stand was truly impressive.

     It was time to paint it with the combo stain/polyurethane I had purchased and let it sit for a few days.  This was the step I didn't have a whole lot of faith in my ability to get it just right.  That, combined with my impatience, led to only a single thick coat on the surface, but it actually looked pretty decent and the brush marks gave the impression of woodgrain, so I lost the actual look of the wood under the stain in favor of a Southwest style finish job.  After a few days, I decided I didn't have a problem with it and grew to like it.

     Originally, I had planned on using the two cabinets for supports, but they weren't going to do the entire job.  I needed to support the back half of the desk, so went out to find a couple of simple bookshelves to use in the back.  I didn't care about color or function, as long as they were 29 1/2" tall (the same height as the two I had already).  Walmart this time, no reason to build some from scratch.  I bought two, but one had an open end, and was missing the hardware kit.  I called the customer support line and they promised to send me the kit out.  I built the one I could and found it was actually a tiny bit taller than the units I had.

     That Friday the forecast called for rain, so I had to bring the finished desktop and all the raw materials inside.  I had wanted to finish the shelves, but settled for setting up the desk and waiting for the weather to clear.  Since I still had not recieved the hardware kit for the second shelf, I used a tripod, which worked out in my favor since the desktop turned out to have a very slight curve and was bowed up in the middle.  When I got it upstairs, I also found that the second shelving unit wasn't necessary, this thing was solid enough for my 200 lbs weight to climb on top and assemble the monitor stand.

     So I've worked at the desk for almost a week now and a break in the weather has allowed me to at least assemble the shelves, but not to apply the stain yet.  Here is the desk as it sits today:

Freedom of Speech vs. Freedom of Action

Over the last few weeks, my country, the USA, has seen a number of issues rise to the surface of public view and opinion.  While this blog will attepmt to stay neutral on the individual issues, it will not be silent when comparing a vital element found in the mainstream media.  This element is easy to see once it's pointed out, but it's obviously been overlooked by the general public.  I'm talking about a basic misinterpretation of the first amendment.  Yes, I'm talking about freedom of speech and it's key difference with freedom of action.

You see, there is a difference, one that is painfully obvious, yet seems to be largely ignored by certain individuals who try to hide behind the first.  Let's start by stating the intent behind this amendment and follow the trail from there.  When the founders of this country proposed the amendments, one thing was painfully clear to them at the time, that of freedoms, given that they had been under the oppressive thumb of the British crown and were in the midst of a revolt.  I propose that their thoughts were to create a country without the possibility of an oppressive government and, at the same stroke, justify their revolutionary actions to the rest of the world.

After the revolution however, they realized that some of the actions they themselves took could not be condoned outside of the specific situation they found themselves in, and the drafting of the original documents that founded the nation reflect very careful thought along these lines.  Here are two specific examples: 

     1. They gave the right to bear arms, but not to use them against others

     2. They gave us the freedom of speech, but not action

These examples highlight a common element, that of a freedom of expression, but not the execution of the thought.  This is a huge difference when considering the recent events in the media.  We have a right to express ourselves, in other words, a peaceable demonstration.  We do not have the right to rioting and violence.  We have the right to express our thoughts publically and openly, but we do not have the right to act on those thoughts, especially if there is a law against it.  Notice that given the absence of a law, we are still not automatically granted a "right" to act.  In these cases, we are left to our own moral judgement and have a choice to act, not the right.  If we chose to act, there may well be consequences as a result of our actions.

E-cigarette usage in Corporate Policy

A statement regarding the recent policy change on e-cigarettes:

I wish to proclaim a grievance with the policy, but not to totally dismiss its reasoning or importance.  In order to properly display the significance of the grievance, it is necessary to clarify my personal position (and perhaps the position of every e-cigarette user).  The choice to move to an e-cigarette was a willful, conscious and researched option stemming from my known addiction to nicotine and my fervent wish to continue to avoid the use of combustible nicotine products (regular cigarettes).  Furthermore, I have researched the field of medical knowledge on the topic and have purposefully chosen my suppliers to minimize the dangerous effects of ingesting harmful chemical solutions.

First, the pros regarding the policy:  Most e-cigarette juice (e-juice) is primarily made up of only four or five ingredients, distilled water, propylene glycol (PG), vegetable glycerin (VG), purified or synthetic nicotine, and flavorings.  In multiple studies on the individual ingredients including air quality testing, only two of these ingredients has shown to be any more harmful than the normal air we breathe.  The two that are of the highest concern are PG and nicotine.  PG has been shown to be an occasional irritant in a small number of the population, and nicotine is a vasoconstrictor.  From this explanation, I fully support the policy of removing e-cigarettes from the workplace environment and delegating them to restricted, designated areas on the basis that that small number of the population may be impacted by the PG directly, and the nicotine addiction qualities generally.

Now the con:  My concern is the choice of lumping the vaping crowd in with the designated combustible tobacco areas.  Use of the e-cigarette is termed “vaping” not “smoking” for a reason.  People who have completely stopped all use of combustible tobacco products are, in fact, non-smokers and physiologically have the same reaction when exposed to smoke from those products.  Since my choice has been a conscious one, and I wish to avoid the dangers of smoking, I must protest being forced to share the same designated space as the smoking community.  Therefore, I should be afforded the same rights as every other non-smoker in the workplace who wish to be removed from the harmful effects of combustible tobacco smoke.

Possible solutions:  Since it is clear that vaping should rightfully be removed from the general work area, but should not share space with designated smoking areas, either a vaping area should be formally designated, or clear limits set on open area (inside or outside) use of e-cigarettes.

Information Security Control Mapping

As any Information Security Professional will tell you, there are a multitude of regulation and security control frameworks out there to choose from.  Very often, an individual organization is subject to multiple regulations and must show compliance with them regularly.  This mandate sets up a situation where they have a choice between duplication of effort for compliance's sake, or to compare and contrast the multiple regulations and implement a single, unified solution.  Given that duplication of effort is not cost efficient, and smart organizations always track the bottom line, then a security control map is absolutely necessary.

Mapping of security controls between differing standards is not a task to be taken lightly, nor is it the most speedy process.  At best, an odd sized small team (5 or 7 individuals) takes months to come to an agreement between them.  Teams smaller than this run into a problem of less objectivity faced with a herculean task.  Larger teams run into the opposite problem of the more frequent disagreements in committee and too much input to be discussed in a timely fashion.  In the end, the map itself is always subjective to the nuances of the group that created it.

This subjectivity is the result of two factors, the interpretation of the control measures combined with the methodology used to form the map.  While the interpretation is subject to each individual making up the group along with their expertise, (which not only cannot be controlled, but is very often viewed with a contrasting opinion once the map is published) the methodology can at least be framed by a general consensus among the professional field.  This is accomplished by taking each control measure into consideration and finding one or more suitable equivalent controls from the other control set.

It is widely accepted that there are not one, but two maps to look at when comparing two sets of control measures, that of each set in the context of the other.  Adding more control sets makes the number of potential maps rise progressively using the formula <i>n * (n-1)</i> where <i>n</i> is equal to the number of control sets in play.  Therefore, 3 sets would produce 6 maps, 4 produces 12, and 5 produces 20 maps.

While a thorough exploration can be thought of to be complete by finishing all the maps, a simpler method presents itself, reducing the number of maps to just the number of control sets in play.  This methodology consists of choosing a primary control set among the multiples and only considering the maps to the other control sets in context of the prime.  Logically, this makes sense, but there is still something missing from this methodology, that of the usefulness of the "reverse" map.

Because differing control sets often have no equal between them, and many are far too focused in scope and content to be of any use to the other, holes in the map abound.  Compounding this is the fact that the regulations themselves are not enough for an effective security program, and an additional framework is necessary to achieve security effectiveness, increasing the number of maps by a proportional number.  Fortunately, there are several frameworks in the wild that are written from a far more general nature than the specific regulations.

When employing a framework into the mix of regulations, caution must be observed in the choice of framework.  Traditionally, individual regulations are married to particular frameworks (i.e. PCI-DSS to COBIT, SOX to COSO, HIPAA to ISO 27001, FISMA to NIST 800), but in reality, any framework could potentially contain any regulation depending on how flexible it's implementation is handled.  It stands to reason that not every pairing is a harmonious match, thus the traditional pairings have the most chance for success.  In the end, the framework dictates a common control set that will then have to be mapped to the applicable regulations.

This mapping, as discussed above <i>could</i> be achieved in the context of the framework, however, a more saturated method is to only consider the <i>reverse</i> maps instead of the "forward" maps.  This method takes each control measure from the regulation and fits one or more controls from the framework to achieve compliance.  This last method is by far the most beneficial from a compliance standpoint as every mandatory control measure is assured to be assessed and met as well as any holes from the framework control set will be identified and rectified.  This last situation is actually very rare as the framework used (as long as a harmonious "marriage" is observed) is most likely to be a super-set that envelops the regulation set.

So what happens when an organization needs to be compliant with multiple regulations?  Obviously the choice of framework becomes even more critical, requiring a much more general context to maximize the saturation and minimize the leftover controls from the individual regulations.  For this effort, two frameworks stand out, the NIST 800 series and the similar ISO 27001.  Both are formed by entities that produce common standards, one for the U.S. federal government and the other for an International community.  Which to choose depends upon the nature of the organization contemplating the adoption of either from the aspects of HQ location and global presence.

An Interpretation of HIPAA as it relates to Home Health Agencies

Many industries are subject to US government regulation regarding Information Security.  Aside from direct government contracting entities, the main three industries are now national infrastructure, financial, and healthcare.  Government contracting entities and the financial industry have had to deal with this type of regulation for a long time now, but the other two are fairly new to it.  The healthcare industry looks more like the financial sector, specifically the credit card processing model, in that even the smallest entities are impacted by the regulations.  With the passing of HIPAA, HITECH, and now what is commonly referred to as Obamacare, the healthcare industry is undergoing a transformation.  How it impacts individual entities is the subject of much concern.  The natural reaction is to get away from regulation as much as possible, but these acts leave very little room to breathe.  Other industries have already accepted the fate to which Information Security regulatory acts have imposed upon them, and it is time for healthcare to get serious about it.  In this article, I will attempt to break down the specifics and suggest a course of action.

Before a suggested course of action, an examination of the government regulation is in order here. Specifically, whether the regulation is even applicable to a particular entity.  Currently, the HIPAA and HITECH acts apply only to healthcare clearinghouses, agencies that must work with the federal government for either Personal Identifiable Information or billing purposes, or professionals in the healthcare field such as doctors and hospital administration.  This seems to leave some entities out, but be very wary.  With the passing of Obamacare, this could be rapidly changing.  The observation here is that Obamacare mandates that everyone carry health insurance, and those that are not provided insurance through an employer must purchase it at the state level, funded by the federal government.  Although private industry insurance providers are still the carriers, the government oversight here cannot be ignored.  Obamacare impacted every man, woman, and child currently carrying insurance by enacting regulation over the industry.  Much like the financial industry, the healthcare insurance carriers now cannot ignore governmental regulation.  By extension, any entity doing business with the insurance carriers are similarly impacted, much like any business that accepts credit cards must be found to be in compliance with PCI-DSS.  This is the transformational event that is being addressed right now.  The implication here is that even the smallest agencies will have to consider HIPAA and HITECH compliance in the very near future.  Due to the heavy penalties of HIPAA non-compliance, and the ramifications stated above, it is in the best interests of any entity planning or operating any type of healthcare industry to budget and implement a security compliance effort whether they feel they are in scope or not.

HIPAA and HITECH generally go hand in hand, but compliance with one does not equate to compliance with the other as they have different focus areas.  They are complimentary, not conflicting though, so achieving compliance in one or the other makes it easier to become compliant in the second.  The problem with both of these is they do not state how compliancy is to be achieved, they simply lay out the objectives.  In order to meet the objectives, another tool must be adopted in order to move an entity through the design, planning, implementation, and assessment phases in order to prove compliance.  Many security frameworks are out there, some publically available, some through a small cost for licensing.  None of them are simple in scope, cost, or time.  Once a security framework is adopted, a software toolset is necessary as well to move the entity through the process.  So, to sum up, government regulation must be examined to see if it applies, a security framework compatible to the regulation must be chosen, and the corresponding toolset must be obtained.  These steps are relatively easy to achieve, and as stated above, it is in the best interests of a business to just simply submit to the regulation and make the effort to become compliant as doing otherwise may be the first death toll heard for them.

As many in other industries have pointed out, becoming compliant is very costly, both in capitol and labor.  Although there are a few shortcuts that can be done, the effort itself is the bulk of the cost and cannot be avoided.  As in other industries though, there is hope for entities that simply could not afford the compliance effort otherwise.  A new type of B2B entity is beginning to emerge, one that provides a service to small and mid sized businesses to take the responsibility of compliance out of their hands.  This is not a new concept for the financial industry, but it is much larger in scope as applied to the healthcare industry.  The healthcare industry cannot simply obtain an approved device and let the worry of compliancy fall upon the processor....or can it?  Such a model does not currently exist in the healthcare industry, but perhaps as the industry maturates, this could be possible.  Currently though, the headache is squarely on the entity performing transactional services for medical records or medical billing for Medicare or Medicaid reimbursement.  So what about private pay agencies?  Well, this is a very gray area, as discussed above in relation to Obamacare.  Now that everyone is mandated to carry insurance, and insurance will most likely carry some form of long term care clause, doesn't it follow that the pressure is already evident for private pay home care agencies to be compliant as well?  In my opinion, it is.

Job Hunting

Perhaps I'm getting older in an ever increasingly complex online world, but the job hunt has me all "a twitter" right now.  The last time I was on the hunt was three years ago, and the premier job board was still monster.com, although there were several offshoots that were getting much more specific to certain industries.  This time, I have found that things have changed yet again, and the best place to look is now firmly in the hands of a social media site, LinkedIn.  This led me down the road to examine my other social media accounts and connections.  Updating the information on them has been completed, and I have cross-linked them as much as they have allowed me to do, and where they don't inherently do this for me, I have done so manually by posting the links to the status updates fields on all of them.

While all the above is all great, in the end, it's rather like climbing to the highest tower in a city and shouting from the rooftops.  Not only will your words be drowned out by the din of the others, there is no expectation of a reply worth pursuing.  Is this really good networking?  Sure, the friends and followers on the social media sites have been picked carefully, or at least with an eye toward some personal gain, but it's a far cry from showing up at a company and handing your resume to them personally.

I have never been very comfortable with selling myself, nor being an active participant in social media in general.  My comfort zone is firmly on the right hand side of someone else as a trusted advisor, being an expert in my field, and my social circle is almost exclusively limited to my own wife and kids.  I truly envy people that can thrive in the limelight of the media, be the social butterfly at any event, or those that seem to have a natural ability to land a really great job.  I've learned what I needed to over the years, and followed the trends as much as I was able, but the one factor that has been the most useful over the years has been to be in the right place at the right time when the new job came along.

I only hope this factor comes my way this time as well.  In the end, I've done what I can to encourage this to happen, even extending myself outside of my normal comfort zone tremendously, yet I can't help but wonder if there is something I can be doing that will further this cause.  Get myself in front of more people who can see what my skillset may bring to them.  On LinkedIn, I could try to friend all the recruiters I can.  On Twitter, I could hashtag the popular trends with a link to my LinkedIn profile.  I can blog here.  I can spread the word on the other social networks.  Does this cross any boundaries or present me as an annoying person?  I am simply not sure about the perception such actions would be viewed.  That having been said, the end may justify the means here, all I can hope is that it does not tarnish my online reputation.

An in-depth Look at Destructive Behaviors

I come to this post today with a great deal of apprehension, guilt, and remorse.  This is not to be a confession, as the important people in my life already know the particulars, but more to the point, this post is about the how and why of the behaviors I have been exhibiting for quite some time.  In short, I have failed a large number of people in my life as well as myself and today I will examine the specific behaviors that led to this as well as to document a plan forward.

I cannot pinpoint a specific time that it all started.  Like many things in life, this has been a gradual decline that gained momentum as it progressed.  I can say that a level of disappointment in my life is probably a trigger to the behavior I am about to describe.  I have been an avid gamer for as long as I can remember, from Dungeons & Dragons and mundane board games to the great social giants of MMORPG's prevalent on the Internet today.  I have enjoyed this activity immensely and as I realize now, achieved a natural high on dopamine as my reward for playing.  Because this has been a mainstay in my life for such a long period of time, and very few people have called attention to this activity as being destructive, I had a great deal of confidence that there wasn't a problem in engaging in this activity, that it was completely normal, justified, and there was no reason to stop or even scale back on the practice.  As a child, this category of activity is even encouraged, leading to this level of thinking and the resultant shock that it can even be considered a problem.

In my early adult years, it was easy to balance the gaming with other aspects of my life.  My hormones and activity was completely normal for my age in all respects.  I had many girlfriends, went to college, was able to keep jobs, and was a generally happy and healthy person in all respects.  It wasn't until my first marriage that I can spot a period of time where gaming completely dominated my life for a solid week.  The predictor was a failing marriage were my wife at the time went away for a week, I fell into a depressive state, got a medical release, and stayed in my apartment playing Baldur's Gate.  I only broke off the game to eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep.  While I was able to rise above this period and continue, it is, most certainly, a period where an addiction is evident.

Some other behaviors intervened, but the gaming never stopped.  New games replaced old ones, but I was always playing at least one, if not several games, and from the time that computers were common, I have never been more than a few feet from one loaded with a game or several.  At every point since I can picture myself sitting in front of a computer for hours on end, often when there was other things I should have been doing.  Even though I chose computers as my career, it was not in the gaming industry, and my time was split between useful work and leisure activity while I was operating a computer.  To put some time reference on this, the Commodore VIC-20 came out when I was 12, modems and bulletin board systems in my late teens, and the World Wide Web (Internet) in my 20's.  It is, at the time of this post, now more than 20 years later, which means that I have practiced gaming for over three decades now, most of that time online in a social interaction with others in virtual space.

The true rise in social media and gaming began when I took a job with America Online in 1997, shortly before my first daughter's birth.  There I was introduced to a truly interactive style of gaming which was completely immersive.  At Gateway a few years later, they had a gaming room at the workplace where I was often found every break rushing back to my desk, sometimes late.  The gaming had started to interrupt normal life at this point as I much preferred gaming to performing chores or even interacting with real people.

Over the next few years, I was able to relieve some of the gaming experience in the various subsequent jobs I had, but if I ever found free time, the gaming took over.  I still only perceived it as a relaxation activity, but looking back, I missed a great deal of time with my children and other family in preference to playing various games.  Ten years ago, I married a third time, this time to a woman who did not share any interest in computers, nor slacking off in any activity that wasn't productive.  Although I still found time to game, it was always a point of contention between us.  I even justified the gaming, insisted upon doing it, and at one point, setup my laptop on a TV tray in the living room as a compromise to the family so I could "spend time" with them and game at the same time.  Realistically, even though I was physically present, my attention was only on the games.

New devices appeared, and the laptop gave way to the iPad and iPhone with a plethora of entertainment applications that were much cheaper and able to be played just about anywhere I went.  Of course this was a simple leap for me and the more mobile devices became my mainstay for satisfying my increasing need for gaming.  At first, these apps didn't have much of a social component, but now, of course, they are very sophisticated and interactive.  The game makers, wanting to increase profit, redesigned the billing model to be more subtle, placing incentives for spontaneous purchases in exchange for greatly enhanced abilities in the games.  The more sly game makers most likely used this to a great advantage and are now reaping profits in the millions, if not billions due to the spread of devices into all areas of the globe, leveraging the power of mass profit.  Now, instead of buying a game once and playing it for free, they offer the game for free, and fleece profit over time through in-app purchasing.

The billing model is deceptive, as you really can be duped into not paying attention to how much is spent or even that you aren't really getting anything in return for your purchase except the dopamine rush of addiction.  Many doctors are now comparing the addictive qualities to a drug addiction, and the physiological response  is more closely related to a gambling addiction.  I have personally witnessed bills in the hundreds per month on my credit card statements.  Compare this to a game 20 years ago that cost a mere $50 to purchase that you could play for years before it became obsolete.  There is now no doubt in my mind that we are seeing companies taking fiscal advantage of a physiological addiction without regard to their customers well being.

So, to the point of this post.  It has taken my wife, my father, and a therapist to finally get me to realize how bad my problem is, how long it has been going on, and how hurtful it is to everyone around me.  An addiction of this magnitude generates a feeling in others that the activity is more important than they are.  If it is the spouse feeling this, the activity can be compared to infidelity as the emotions and reactions are identical.  In a clinical comparison, I may as well state that I have a gambling problem, an addiction to heroin, and am cheating on my wife in front of her eyes as there is no difference in those three from playing the game and being obstinate about doing so.  It is so bad that in recent past, I have regularly spent up to 18 hours playing games and spent over 1% of my annual income per month on them (12% per year).  I have heard that others spend more time and money than I have, which is astounding to me.  For comparison, if you made $50,000 per year, that would translate to $6,000 in game related expenses a year and leave only 8 hours for activity not related to gaming per day, most of that spent in sleep.

I have chosen to leave this where it stands.  To quit all games in order to return to a normal level of family activity, get over the addiction, and perhaps return to a much reduced form of gaming if it can be controlled.  I have lost many thousands of dollars that I cannot recover, but more importantly I have lost precious time with my wife and kids that I can never get back.  I will leave you with a story that hit home to me this morning.  I chose to stop this activity just last night, and have deleted the games from my devices.  This morning, I dropped my son off at day care and the teacher commented to me that I must be not traveling this week.  This surprised me as I have not been traveling for several months.  She explained how she knew....it was because she could tell a difference in my son's behavior when I was home.  I smiled and left, without telling her the truth of the matter, but it was immediately evident to me what the truth was.  When I wasn't gaming, my son exhibited different behavior than when I was focused on the game.  Although the comment was hurtful to me, it wasn't intended to be.  This, more than anything else, clinches my resolve to carefully monitor a return to gaming, if even I can trust myself to ever return.